Fantasy Land

People never like to be told they're wrong.

An old adage says something like "never discuss sex, religion, or politics" and I tend to agree with that. If you were raised Republican, we can have a discussion, even a debate, about taxes. In the end, neither one of us is going to go home and say "you know what, they made a good point. I never thought of it that way."

I didn't attend Penn State, never saw a football game, visited campus twice. It was nice, but I wasn't crying when I left. Everyone that I know who has graduated from there is a genuinely good person from what I can see.

That's why this situation bothers me so much.

Since last November I've been trying to understand why people were fighting to defend someone who conspired to hide the rape of children.

I didn't understand why people couldn't detach themselves from the situation and their emotions.

Then last night I thought about it, nobody likes to be told they're wrong. A Catholic believes in God, a car buyer always got a great deal, an addict can stop whenever they want. Joe Paterno did things they way they were supposed to be done.

It hurts your soul to have a philosophical belief challenged. It hurts to admit you were wrong, your parents were wrong, their parents were wrong. In any situation.

In 1995 I was 14 years old and reported to training camp as a ball boy for the Philadelphia Eagles. It was the only job I had ever wanted since I was 4 and my dad brought the ball boys to the Glenolden Swim Club.

Before I left for camp I remember my dad saying to me, "don't be afraid of those guys [the players], they're just normal people with a different job."

I thought about that the first time I saw Randall Cunningham that summer. For that minute when he stood at the elevator at Schmidt Hall, waiting for a door to open and slowly raise him three floors to a room that had been used to house an 18-year-old college freshmen just a month earlier, I was starstruck. He was god.

Then it clicked, he's just a guy. A guy with more money than I could have ever imagined, a cooler job than I would ever land, and gold tipped shoe laces that would never touch my feet.

But at the end of the day, we were exactly the same. Just people trying to do our job the best we could.

I've remembered and repeated that line a lot over the last 17 years.

No one entered this world differently than you or I. Let's stop acting like athletes and television stars are better people than us, and maybe we won't fall so hard when we learn they're human. Just like us.

Dateline: Delco

Man beaten by 5 kids drinking in woods.

In Folcroft.

No shit.

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/delco/Man-beaten-by-5-kids-drinking-in-woods.html?cmpid=124488469

There were people in the Bible complaining about kids these days but really, Delaware County, what is going on?

If you own a home in Folcroft near the woods you would have to assume there's a possibility of teenagers using said wooded area to imbibe. You should not assume, however, you're going to catch a beat down for telling the kids to GTFO.

If my friends somehow wrangled three Miller Genuine Drafts from their parents basement fridge you can bet your ass we wouldn't be looking for attention. Those 36 ounces of swill would have been finished as fast as humanly possible for a 14 to 17 year-old. And if we heard some branches cracking and felt the heat around the corner? Two words: I'm gone.

And we definitely would have told each other how drunk we were, but I digress.

Now, it's ok for kids to beat a grown man who has a legitimate concern regarding smoke rising from a wooded area behind his house. He wasn't trolling the neighborhood boreassing honest, good kids who were walking down the street. He was checking out smoke from a fire, in the woods.

Somewhere along the way pissed off people became parents. They didn't want to give a shit about anyone else so why would their kids?

The officer in the story says they have a history with these kids. A history with the police at 14? The only history I had with the police when I was 14 was when my bike got stolen from Glenolden Park (I'm still looking for that guy).

I hate sounding like the grumpy old man, but man, I don't know about kids these days.

GTD

I'm trying to incorporate the elements of David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" into my life. I need it now more than ever so here we are, back at the blog.

It's been so long since I've seen you, I had to submit a password reset.

I'm sorry, I won't do that again. It's all about the clips, some rants, raves, a little opinion and "Am I Crazy?" from here on out.

For now let's start with an anti-blog post that my life mate Pierzy and I did together. It didn't quite work out the way I envisioned but it's a good start.

Here's the gist: I'm handy, he's not so much. I like DIY, he likes TV. I'm trying to get him over to the dark side, or at least get him to enjoy a good Home Depot trip.

Enjoy. If you make it to the end there's a special treat.

Pierzy: Mike, you had some strong feelings about my Ikea post, but it wasn't the first time you've tried to get me to embrace my DIY side. We've each owned a home for several years now and while you are constantly doing renovations or improvements, I'm usually writing about Blake Griffin's latest dunk. This seems to disappoint you, so I'll yield the floor to you to explain and then I'll respond.

Mike: I thought you'd never ask.

To break it down for a business-minded person such as yourself, it comes down to a simple equation:

(Need x Want) / Cost

Or something like that.

You and I both know you Need to fix your basement wall, we both know you don't Want to fix it, couple that with the Cost of hiring a professional and you see why I tend to do the majority of home improvements myself.

I paint a lot on the weekends, I don't Want to do that, but with three kids, I Need the extra money.

The "know-how" part comes with experience. I understand you may be intimidated by the thought of mixing hydraulic cement and slathering it on your walls like cream cheese on a bagel at brunch, but, it's something that Needs to get done.

Another way to look at it… I don't Want to save money, but I Need to save money. I could go the rest of my life saying "ah fuck it, I'll let someone else deal with it." But, there will come a time when I have to atone for my financial misdeeds.

It's been my experience that the more you can do yourself, the more you'll be willing to learn. For example, you only need to install a garbage disposal once to learn how to do it. You don't need to become a plumber, it helps if you have a buddy who knows how to run the electric, but, if that ever needs to be replaced you can knock it out during the third re-run of SportsCenter that you're watching.

That's my view. I'm not saying you need to turn your basement into the New Yankee Workshop, but the more you're willing to learn, the more you'll be willing to do.

Pierzy: I get all that. I do. For all of the hyperbole about I can’t do, I actually get by pretty well. I even spackled last night. Can I replace a sink? No. But I can do the minor stuff on a day-to-day basis. I made minor repairs to my toilet and other stuff. For the big things, I’m lucky to know a plumber that will do a great job and not take advantage of me monetarily. I think part of it may also be governed by circumstance. I live in the city. I don’t have a garage and I don’t have any land or grass other than a small patio that gets hosed off once every spring. I don’t have the room to do much in my house, so I don’t do it. Furthermore, my house is 90 years old, so opening up a wall or anything like that often presents more problems than not doing anything at all.

In regards to your statement about being willing to learn, I have two responses. First, you’re right. I have an aversion to learn stuff, but it’s a chicken-or-the-egg situation. Am I not good (and don’t enjoy) house work because I’m bad at it? Or am I bad at it because I’m not good and therefore don’t enjoy it? There comes a point in time when it’s possible that I’m simply not good at it. Even if I read every book, watch every show (I watch a lot of HGTV and DIY – it’s not just Hoarders), and work with someone more capable, I may not become all that good. It’s more than the desire. By your rationale, if every first-round draft choice had the desire to be good, nothing else matters. That’s not the case.

Secondly, to me, it’s all about the net result. I chose to go to business school after work to try to up my salary. If I hadn’t done that, perhaps my mid-to-late 20’s would have been spent learning some of these tricks. However, you can’t be everything all the time so you have to pick and choose and if it nets out to a positive, what’s the difference? For example, let’s say I write an article that takes a week to write and I need to pay a guy $1,500 to fix a leak in my guest room. Had I not written that article, I could have spent that time fixing the leak. But, if I sell the article for $2,000 (note: this has never happened, I’m just using it for the sake of an argument), then it’s a net gain of $500. And while it would be lovely to say that I could both fix the leak and write the article, that’s not realistic.

Regarding your equation, I think it’s correct. If the need is 100 but the want is 0, the combination of the two is zero.

My question to you is: why does it seem to bother you so much? I can see the look of disappointment on your face when I can’t/won’t do something that you’ve done before or are willing to attempt. In a way it’s appreciated, because it’s almost like you look at me as a younger brother even though we’re the same age and you can see potential and have high expectations (like I don’t have enough of those), but whenever I choose to pay for someone to do something rather than do it myself I feel like I need to explain my reasoning to you. Of course, that could just be my neurosis speaking…

Mike: It doesn't bother me. I really don't go home and say to my wife "oh my God, can you believe Pierz doesn't know how to fix a sink?" I know your neurosis says I do, but I really don't.

It may just be that I'm trying to help you out. I'm not the greatest craftsman, I know my limits. I'm not trying to carve a canoe out of a tree. I'm just trying to fix a leak so I don't have to pay anyone and help you out so your net after selling that $2,000 article is closer to $1,900 than it is $500.

When I moved back from Arizona I had a shitty hammer and a dollar store ratchet set. That's it. My buddy came over my house to fix my light switch one day and asked me for some wire cutters, when I said I didn't have any (how many times do you need a pair of wire cutters when you live in a condo in Scottsdale?), he looked at me with the same look I probably give you.

That was an anomaly in the wiring. All of the Googling and guessing I did couldn't answer the question because it was a fluke only a professional would even know to look for. But, we worked it out, he taught me a few things and I've since applied them to other aspects of home improvement.

As you said, I'm lucky to have a friend in the field who helped me out. All I'm trying to do is pay it forward.

When it comes to careers I don't think there needs to be a line in the sand that you can't cross. I go to meetings and talk about ROI and risk analysis and create the almighty PowerPoint Presentations but then on the weekends I change my brake pads if need be.

I had a conversation about money with one of my (four, yes four) supervisors about money. He was talking about a kid he knew in high school who was "rich" but the house with two swimming pools was a house of cards. As soon as the housing market collapsed they went to zero.

I'm trying to keep it balanced. I don't make bad money, but I hate giving it to people for things I can do myself. The receptionist at the dealership didn't know what to do when I told her to fail my car's inspection because they were going to charge me $300 for a set of brake pads and rotors that cost me about $75 and an hour in the driveway. They had never heard someone say they'll change the brakes. That's $225 leftover for diapers and milk, which believe me, doesn't last as long as you would think.

I just don't want to be dependant on anyone. It pained me to take my truck to a mechanic last month when it wasn't running right. But I knew the issue was beyond my basic mechanical ability and trust the guy who works on my cars. In the end, he fixed it for a fair price and it's paid for itself with side jobs.

I guess, in the end, when it all hits zero, I don't want to rely on anyone for anything but maybe that's just my neurosis speaking.

Pierzy: All of what you said makes total sense. Of course, one learns by doing and through trial-and-error. If I’m a 12 out of 100 in terms of handiness, when I bought my house I was about a 3. So I’ll take that improvement. Baby steps, Bill Murray-style.

For me, I think it goes back to you need vs. want equation. My need to make unrequired improvements (cosmetically, etc…) is outweighed by my not wanting to do it. I’d rather leave it the way it is. I realize that this seems insane and I think I’m slowly changing my tune because the bigger projects (obviously) cost more money.

Plus, while I spend too much money on going out to dinner, I’m on top of all of my bills and clawing my way out of student loan and credit card debt. We make fun of my car, but it’s paid off so I’m going to drive that thing until it disintegrates. It’s not like I drive around places that would impress anyone. I drive to the office and back. If I could afford something nicer, then sure I would splurge, but right now other things take priority. I think that’s a big piece that so many Americans don’t realize – unless your career depends on it, those things don’t matter.

Getting back to the house stuff, if I’m being totally honest, I think part of it is the fear of making a mistake. When I have tried to do something, I often do something wrong so that now I’ve created more work. Rather than deal with the “failure,” I’d rather just not deal at all. And that’s a weird thing to say because I don’t feel that way in any other aspect of my life…well, maybe asking out young ladies but I’m now married so that’s a moot point. If/when I move to the ‘burbs or into a home with land and a garage, maybe things will be different. I already feel myself going in that direction…it’s just going to take some time.

A weekend passed over which we didn’t discuss this topic. However, something interesting occurred – I did some improvements to my house based upon Mike’s experience and directions.

Pierzy: As you know, this past weekend, I took a major step forward in the home improvement realm. My basement walls had a parge coating that was held together by dirt and when water made its way behind the walls, the wall began to crumble and at least one-third of my basement had dirt raining down upon it at all times. Taking your advice, I plugged the holes with a hydraulic cement mixture. In the process, I destroyed my hands (I didn’t wear gloves) and my fingers are still extremely sore as I type this. While I’m happy that the job is basically completed – I have a few more spots to do and I need to paint over it – I don’t feel any special amount of pride that I completed it. If I could afford it, I would have much rather have had a group of guys do it professionally and finish in a day. My father also suggested that I hire someone, saying, “Isn’t that why you went to school?” So you can see where I get it from.

Mike: Hydraulic cementing a basement wall isn't the best job to start with if you're looking for a sense of gratification and pride. It's a "gotta get done" job. It's not glamorous and it will chew up those pretty hands of yours. But, it's done. You saved a bunch of dough and it was a shitty weekend anyway, you didn't miss anyone's wedding.

Yeah, this is never getting published.

Pierzy: I’m glad I did it, but I would have preferred brunch.

I think this would be better on Kano Analysis.

The Clips are Back 8/2/2011

Sorry for the hiatus. Today's edition of the clips is titled "Man, you're an asshole."

Couple guilty in jewel heist, child-endangerment trial

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20110802_Jury_weighs_snatching__slashing__child-endangerment_case.html?cmpid=125219969

Cops: Man poisoned and shot dog 32 times with pellet gun

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20110802_HED_TOO_LONG__Police__Bucks_County_man_poisoned_and_shot_dog_32_times_with_pellet_gu.html

Another child left outside casino

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/pennsylvania/20110802_Another_child_left_outside_casino.html

Theft charge was a mistake, cops say

http://delcotimes.com/articles/2011/08/02/news/doc4e37649f83e16189090460.txt

Men save woman from this burning car, then sue her

http://jalopnik.com/5826902/men-save-woman-from-this-burning-car-then-sue-her

Don't Panic

Don't Panic.

We've become a society of worriers. There are no more MacGuyvers. When a precarious situation presents itself we think of the worst possible outcome. Although, sometimes the worst possible situation isn't as bad as we think.

I read James Altucher religiously. Call me crazy but I relate to every word he pounded out on a keyboard or swipes across the screen of his Ipad. I've begun to incorporate his thinking into my life. I think we all have a long way to go but it's helping, I think.

The other night two people stranded their cars under a bridge in a massive rainstorm. The cars were dead. I feel bad for them because as I write this they should be getting their first estimate for a new engine since theirs his almost certainly hydrolocked.

But is it so bad? It's money, sure. No one driving home from work through Prospect Park can turn their nose up to a bill for a new engine. Maybe it was time to replace the car. Take it as a life lesson. No one got hurt, it's a car. There will be more. Maybe the next one is a little older. Maybe it has a tape deck. Sometimes you need to take a step back in order to appreciate what you have and had. I drive my 1996 Chevy S10 most of the time because when I get into my Charger it feels like a BMW. It makes me appreciate the things I have and take for granted.

Coincidentally later that night as I was driving home from my night job a woman was pulled over on 130 in Jersey flailing her arms like she was on fire. I pulled over and put my window down. This is how car jackings happen but for some reason I decided to put myself in the compromised situation.

She was hysterical. She was trying to get to Philadelphia. She was damn close. I gave her the directions, she was one turn from 95 North but as I drove home I wondered if she even heard what I said. She was in a panic. The world is not going to end, there are more flights, life goes on. Buy a GPS unit.

I'm starting to panic about my life. My wife and kids are great. We worry about money. Following Altucher's "Worst Case Scenario" post what's the worst thing that can happen? If I lose my house maybe we'll have to move into an apartment. That wouldn't be ideal but maybe it would be across from a dog park. Maybe it would force us to all sit in the same room and talk and do puzzles instead of watching different TV shows in different rooms.

Things are never as bad as they seem. It's all about attitude. I know this, but for some reason I'm having a hard time applying it.

Therapy

They say therapists are like barbers. You need to go, you might not like the one you have but there's you don't stop cutting your hair because of one bad haircut.

I haven't been to therapy in about seven months. It got old, I felt like I was carrying the discussion. For $40 I'll go up to someone on the street, tell them my problems and have them agree with me. It probably won't take me an hour either.


Maybe it's just me but I think most of therapy is getting a second opinion on everyday issues. How many times has a therapist heard "is it me, or is this crazy?" It must be in the millions.

I wonder sometimes if maybe I should have gone to therapy sooner. How would it have changed me if I went in high school or college. Would I be an underacheiver who never completed homework or projects on time? Probably, but at least I could blame therapy.

I probably should have gone at some point earlier in my life. I thought I knew everything there was to know about the world. Of course I was wrong but no one ever listens to their parents at 17.

The Clips - July 13

One of my favorite jobs in professional sports was "doing the clips." You essentially scour the internet for any article related to your team or league and then jam the office copier for three hours. This is a new version of an old favorite. Enjoy!

Missing Brooklyn Boy, 8, Found Dead, Mutilated

This is a heinous story. You want to give your kids freedom and let them walk home from school but then guys like this ruin it for everyone.

 90s Nickelodeon Nostalgia Returning To Your Television On Monday

 Doug and Pete and Pete coming back? Now that's television I can watch! 

Casey Anthony Found Disguised as Black Man in Philly

I can't make this stuff up people.

That's all for today. It's late and I have a one-on-one to prepare for. Follow me on twitter @unionkane and send your suggestions for The Clips.